sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
