I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
