So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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