suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
