Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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