i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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