she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
