I think my vagina is haunted
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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