So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
