he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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