hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
