I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
