Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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