Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
