I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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