Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
