I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
