WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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