Is it because I queefed?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
