I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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