So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
