You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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