No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
