so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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