dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
