And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
