I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
