I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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