He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Alive.
So much puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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