Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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