I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
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Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
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I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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