I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
