He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
