OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
