What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
