i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
