never play flip cup with pint glasses
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
