I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
