Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
