**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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