Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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