It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Congratulations! We have a period
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