im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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