I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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