His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
