What a fucking waste of an outfit
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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