Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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