If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My life is pants optional.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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