apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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