My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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