Texts From Last Night

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  (714): View more from California

  I need hand sanitizer and jesus.

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  (714): I need hand sanitizer and jesus. http://tfl.nu/r3xx
  Replies (15) Good night (1933) Bad night (2571)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich

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  (905): Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich http://tfl.nu/gjvv
  Replies (107) Good night (942) Bad night (14865)
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  (949): View more from California

  After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(

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  (949): After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =( http://tfl.nu/pv1c
  Replies (43) Good night (621) Bad night (5351)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!

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  (251): The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?! http://tfl.nu/t0yf
  Replies (9) Good night (1429) Bad night (3028)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist

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  (817): God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist http://tfl.nu/ubmz
  Replies (12) Good night (1423) Bad night (5354)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.

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  (407): I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist. http://tfl.nu/erea
  Replies (11) Good night (3764) Bad night (797)
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  (661): View more from California

  His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.

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  (661): His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that. http://tfl.nu/b2u0
  Replies (14) Good night (748) Bad night (3191)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.

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  (207): you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy. http://tfl.nu/cio1
  Replies (6) Good night (1621) Bad night (432)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.

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  (904): Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel. http://tfl.nu/cy7e
  Replies (18) Good night (1230) Bad night (558)
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  (914): View more from New York

  The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.

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  (914): The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes. http://tfl.nu/xsso
  Replies (8) Good night (1084) Bad night (431)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"

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  (701): I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day" http://tfl.nu/o3b3
  Replies (2) Good night (962) Bad night (322)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!

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  (281): She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave! http://tfl.nu/tzuo
  Replies (12) Good night (938) Bad night (555)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.

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  (281): I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed. http://tfl.nu/u1zj
  Replies (1) Good night (604) Bad night (374)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option

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  (734): There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option http://tfl.nu/svkl
  Replies (4) Good night (738) Bad night (311)
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  (716): View more from New York

  while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing

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  (716): while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing http://tfl.nu/6vwv
  Replies (2) Good night (702) Bad night (213)

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