Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.

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  (314): So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs. http://tfl.nu/yiuw
  Replies (16) Good night (1020) Bad night (3538)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high

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  (321): my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high http://tfl.nu/1lyw
  Replies (24) Good night (4937) Bad night (929)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  dibs on John Mayer's hood pass

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  (267): dibs on John Mayer's hood pass http://tfl.nu/rqbz
  Replies (35) Good night (2712) Bad night (910)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.

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  (586): If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/9are
  Replies (26) Good night (4404) Bad night (1144)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.

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  (253): Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser. http://tfl.nu/y4fk
  Replies (16) Good night (5790) Bad night (1465)
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  (619): View more from California

  I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.

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  (619): I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning. http://tfl.nu/8wyf
  Replies (15) Good night (6867) Bad night (1529)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.

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  (715): I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk. http://tfl.nu/px56
  Replies (7) Good night (2262) Bad night (960)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.

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  (703): theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already. http://tfl.nu/gg0y
  Replies (11) Good night (2701) Bad night (909)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.

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  (229): I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/rrz0
  Replies (3) Good night (1739) Bad night (563)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU

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  (847): YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU http://tfl.nu/vl39
  Replies (7) Good night (2188) Bad night (610)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.

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  (806): It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there. http://tfl.nu/4q4i
  Replies (8) Good night (467) Bad night (1403)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.

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  (207): This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand. http://tfl.nu/o8tl
  Replies (5) Good night (416) Bad night (1433)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.

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  (413): Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days. http://tfl.nu/0sic
  Replies (7) Good night (731) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out

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  (303): Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out http://tfl.nu/8vt2
  Replies (2) Good night (344) Bad night (613)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story

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  (201): I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story http://tfl.nu/rn8y
  Replies (4) Good night (273) Bad night (567)

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