What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I need moral support for this bender
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
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Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.