We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.