So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.