ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.