so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
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Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo