yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
