You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.