i used baking grease as lip gloss
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
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I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
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When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.