She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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