Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize