i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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