i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
