My underwear smells like fireworks.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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