I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
