By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
