if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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