If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
