My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
