I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
