A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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