I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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