Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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