I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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