She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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