Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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