Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
