The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
