Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Randomize
