Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
