i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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