she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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