Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
