I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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