Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize