Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
