I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
