New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
