Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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