So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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