my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
