hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
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Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
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Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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