mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
