pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
